I found the perfect picture to suet my story It had been raining for more than a week, so much rain it made everday seemed so restless and glary. She called and said she was coming over. It was the third time she called up to see me that week. I carried her excuses why she came all the way here and went to meet her at the place where I first fell in love with her, at a nearby Seven-eleven in PJ. She was standing there alone, carrying her red umbrella. As always, she would be smilling. She had the most beatiful smile ever. Her friend dropped her off. It was raining and she was shivering. She looked weak and fragile in the harsh rain.
I walked up to her and said. '' You shouldn't come to see me anymore. I'm not the guy you once knew, I have bad habbits that you won't like'', and excuses like ''I am vey busy with my work. Lots of things to do, although none of them are true. She said, ''I missed you''. That sentence was enough to melt my heart. I told her her coldly. ''Lets go. I'll take you home.'' She did not opem her umbrella, I knew she wanted to share mine. I said , ''Open up your umbrella, and let's go''. Unwillingly, she opened up her umbrella and walked with me to the car. She asked if we could stop at some place to eat. She knew I hardly take my dinner and I stay up very late. Right away I answered with a stone heart, ''No!''. Disappointed, she asked me to take her to the LRT station, she said she would take the train back home.
Maybe it was the rain, all the tains were full with people who were eager to get home. We waited and waited, she looked at me innocently. Knowing her for so long, of coarse I knew what she meant. I understand how she must feel when she came all the way here in this kind of weather and I treat her like this. With her beautiful eyes staring at me, I felt guilty and sad. I wish I could stay with her and talk to her throughout the night like how we did years back. But reality struck again, I said to her coldly. ''Let's go try the other station''. We were almost together back then. They wre sixteen of us, and we go really along well. We would watch movies, and dine together. We were more like a family, but I didn't know I would end up falling in love with her among all of them. Maybe it was during the time wher I always sat next to her in class.
We were walking along theside the road. She was in front of me and I was right behind her. Many times she was too into thinking or whatever she was doing, drifting off the road, she almost got hit by car pasing by. I wanted to just take her in my arms , but with the love i had for her, I did nothing. On the way, we heard an old song which we first danced to. She begged and said ''Lets go to the park just for a little while please, I promise I'll go home right after this''. With her begging, my cold heart softened, but still I put put up an annoyed face and walk to the park. I was just sitting on the benchs looking like I wanted to leave. She was walking around for quite a while enjoying the night. But all I could do was pretend I didn't care, and said, "Can we go now?
I opened my black umbrella. She was just standing there, didn't want to leave yet. She said, "you've made up the story of you being busy, didn't you?" Can't we start over?" I didn't say a word, just looked down and shook my head. After that we just kept on walking towards the station, didn't say a word to each other. Honestly, yes I would start all ove again, but I can't. There are reasons why I can't, I'm a kind of person who is too caugt up with work. I wouldn't have enough time for her. There is someone else who loves her dearly, he is in Australia. I know he can always be there for her,whenever she needed someone. I know that he would look after her well. There are reason why I can't be there for her. Well this is the main reason why I can't be with her. I had cancer !
It was detected early, so it was still curable. Thinking it was okay, I started living my normal life. I didn't think about the cancer again and did not go back to the doctor. Until a month ago, the back of my head was hurting for two weeks straight. I went back to the doctor and took an X-ray. The results shows that there was a big black spot at the cerebellum, which praved the truth that I did not want to believe. I didnt't want her to find out about this, so i made up stories and lied to her. It was a cruel thing to do, and it broke her heart, but it was the fastest way to wipe out several years of feelings. I'm not that worried about her. Thanks to God, there is another man out there who would love her even more, and will be there for her eventhough he lives so far. I know that the both of them would be great together.
The train had stopped running so I called a taxi for her. We were just standing there, waiting, looking our last moments in silence. I saw the taxi from far away, I held my tears and said to he ''Take care of yourself,take good care of yourself.'' She didn't speak just nodded lightly and then oponed her misshaped umbrella and stepped out onto the streets. I opened the door for her and she got in. Befor I could close the door she told me, "Remember our sweet memories, remember it always, remember it hard, you still feel it, how much I care about you". I stood by the car, staring at the black window, at the love of my life. I wanted to tell he I still love her. I wanted to tell her to stay, I wanted to tell her so much but I couldn't. Warm tears kept falling down my face. She left, and I didn't get anymore of her phone calls. I know she didn't see my tears. I left without regrets knowing she is in safe hands. I'll always be there for her no matter what, whenever she needs help without her knowing. I will always be there ....
I know you love me. And I do love you. You might never know but mine is true love.
This story that i've created is a fiction and has nothing to do with the living or the one that has passed on.
-shankar
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