That Empty Feeling.

One Broken Heart

Too Many Unwiped Tears

That E m p t y Feeling

Pain. Lots and lots and lots and lots of pain. So deep it cuts into your very being. Leaving scars that will last long after the pain.

When more time is spent on the person you love than you would ever spend on yourself. Even if they would never give you the same sacrifice, and couldn't care less what your time is spent on.

No matter what you will always believe there is hope. And you despise yourself for it.

When your Heart has been ripped out, and ignored, yet still can't let go.

When you would do anything for your love... Even if it means that you can't love them.

When you try to find new ways to hate them. Becuase then at least it wouldn't hurt so much.

When everything is out of your control.

When you can't say why you love them, and to you that's the strongest love anyone can ever have.

When you realize that you can never, ever have them...again...

When you have finally hit the lowest low. And no one can bring you up, and anyone who can will never be there.

When you care so much about the person you forget about everything else completely, even your health and wellbeing.

When you sit and write something like this crying to yourself, and wondering why you are so pathetic.

When you can't sleep at night becuase when you close your eyes, they are standing there to remind you that you are alone.

When you feel all these feelings, but are too afraid to tell them, becuase you're scared they might not care. And the truth is they probably won't.

When you feel their presence everywhere. But you don't want to because it's just another reminder of how far away they really are.

When the pain is so great, you feel that giving up altogether is th only choice, when really you have so much to live for.

When they have told you that they don't love you. And you would do anything to say those same words...and mean it.

But the only words that you can say are:

I love you, and no matter what happens I will still love you and I still think of you all the time. I know it means nothing to you, but you mean everything to me.

Please if anyone ever falls in love with you and feels this strongly. Don't shrug it off like it is nothing, I'm not asking you to love them back, I'm just asking you to care.

And if anyone ever falls in love with someone this strongly and they don't love you the same way, hold on to every last bit of sanity you have. Don't let it completely ruin who you are. You are a wonderful person and can pull through. You will have some very rough times. But, it will get better...

I hope. At least that's what I've been told.

Just a friend

Have you ever met a gurl that you thought was perfect you waited for her years 'cause you know she worth it

here's a lil' story bout this gurl i knew

since wayback in pre-school sometime in '82

she had 'em two pony tails and a front tooth missin'

wit' freckles on her cheeks cause the moms caucasian

up on a tree house is where we chilled together

with carvings on the trunk saying friends forever, she the type who laugh when the normally cried
and when they busy playing house we playin' bonnie and clyde

in grade school everybody knew we partners in crime

we useta bully kids in playgrounds like all the time

we always seen holdin' hands to the principal's office

the naughtiest in town and could no other kid stop us

in highskool she switched her desk next to mine

so we could cheat while doing pop quizes all the time


14th of February '93

little Jenny said she had a big suprise for me gave me the very kiss and plus a ring and a card
and said I love you, so I gave her the rest of my heart.

a coupla weeks later called her house at 10 the mama said I thought you suppose to be with Jen
I quickly rushed to the crib, she just got out of a van
I'm like yo who was that? oh he's just a friend....


so I took Jenny's word for it at this time
I thought just having a friend it couldnt be no crime

'cause even I have friends and babys that for sho
just like Watson, Hailee, Baby Tash and Joe

so we never talked about that late snack with van man

we rather talk about the future we have planned and
what to name our kids, al-Tarique or Shaymar?
Ayesha, or Tisha for a gurl and maybe even bring our
kids to that little tree house that we chilled at

but then in '94 I couldnt help it but feel sad
Jenny had to leave me to go get a little knowledge
100 miles away in this place they call college

first coupla months it was cool but then it changed yo
she never called and really acted like a strange ho

one day I called it was picked up by a man
I called again, she picked it up and said hey that's just a friend....




this guy in her study group's the one who picked up the call
helpin' her in chemistry wit cyclohexanol

I got curious and asked her who else in ya team?
she said Ali, Hassan, Noreen and Kareem

the next week I thought of givin' her a little suprise
but when in front of Jenny's dorm I cound't believe my eyes

I say the same ugly van I saw in '93
I found her room but guess what a brother had to see?

a fella half naked with my gurl on the couch

so please listen to the message that I sing

don't ever talk to a gurl who says she just has a friend......


you, you got what I need
but you say he's just a friend,
but you say he's just a friend

IT'S 7TH GRADE..

I stared at the girl next to me... She was my so called "best friend"... I stared at her... Long, silky hair... And I wished she was mine... But she didn't notice me like that... I knew it... After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before... And I handed them to her... She said "thanks"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S JUNIOR YEAR..

My phone rang... On the other end it was her... She was in tears... Mumbling on and on about how her love had broken her heart... She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone... So I did... As I sat next to her on the sofa... I stared at her soft eyes... Wishing she was mine... After 2 hours... I Drew Barrymore movie... And 3 bags of chips... She decided to go to sleep... She looked at me.. Said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I want her to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy to tell her... And I don't know why...

IT'S SENIOR YEAR..

The day before prom... She walked to my locker... "My date is sick" she said... He's not going to go... Well... I didn't have a date and in 7th grade... We made a promise that if neiter of us had dates... We'd go together just as "best friends"... And so we did...

IT'S PROM NIGHT..

After everything was over with... I was standing at her front door step... I stared at her ... She smiled at me... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me like that... And I know it... Then she said "I had the best time... Thanks!"... And she gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wanted her to know that I don't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S GRADUATION DAY..

A day passed... And then a week... And then a month... Before I could blink... It was graduation day... I watched her... Perfect body... Floated like an angel up on stage to get her diploma... I wanted her to be mine... But she doesn't think of me that way... And I know it... Before everyone went home... She came to me in her smock and hat... And cried as I hugged her... Then she lifted her head from my shoulders and said "you're my best friend"... "Thanks!"... And gave me a kiss on the cheek... I wanted to tell her.. I wanted to know that I wanted to be more than "just friends"... I love her but I'm too shy... And I don't know why...

IT'S A FEW YEARS LATER..

Now I sit in the pews of the church... A church that she is getting married in now... I watched her say "I do" an drive off to her new life... Married to another man... I wanted her to be mine... But she didn't see me like that... And I knew it... But before she drove away... She came to me and said "You came!... Thanks!"... And she kissed me on the cheek... I wanted to tell her... I wantd her to know that I didn't want to be "just friends"... I love her but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why...

YEARS PASSED..

I looked down at the coffin of a girl who used to be my "best friend"... At the service they read a diary entry she had wrote in her high school years... This is what it said... "I stare at him... Wishing he was mine... But he doesn't notice me like that... And I know it... I wanted to tell him... I wanted him to know... That I don't want to be "just friends"... I love him but I'm just too shy... And I don't know why... I wish he would tell me he loved me"... I wish I did too... I thought to myself and I cried...
rest in peace my Love

Don't we all?

One evening I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to finish work. Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him he had no car, no home, no clean clothes and no money. There are times when you feel generous, but there are times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of the "Don't want to be bothered" times! "Hope he doesn't ask me for money," I thought. He didn't.


He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop and he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very nice car," he said. He was ragged, but had an air of dignity around him. I said "Thanks," and continued wiping off my car. He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened, something inside said, "Ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say yes, but I held true to the inner voice. "Do you need any help?" I asked.



He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget. We often look for wisdom in great accomplishments. I expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke three words that shook me, "Don't we all?" he said.


I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day. Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too.


No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that! You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse of something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you, through a torn world can see.



Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise to minister to a soul too comfortable in himself. Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum and then said, "Go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help."

You are a DOG!

Sometimes back, a person came to me and told, "You know one thing, you are a DOG". I said, 'I am too happy as a Human Being and I have not done anything big or great to be called as DOG". It is simple; if you reverse the spellings of DOG it will become GOD. Now, whenever I pass through those big societies and bungalows and see those boards, "Dog is on Duty" or "Beware to dogs", I just cannot stop myself from smiling.



Color of this world is based on the color of your eyes, color of your glasses. The way you perceive the things; your understand, your thoughts and your experiences. Good and Bad people you will find everywhere in the world, in every country, in every society it is up to us, what we are looking for.

One glass of milk.

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness." He said..... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Year's later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly ! was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won.

Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill. She read these words..... "Paid in full with one glass of milk"

Signed Dr. Howard Kelly. Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."

-shankar

How rich are you?

One day a rich father took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose to show him how poor people can be. They spent a day and a night on the farm of a very poor family.

When they got back from their trip the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"Very good Dad!"

"Did you see how poor people can be?" the father asked.

"Yeah!"

"And what did you learn?"

The son answered, "I saw that we have a dog at home, and they have four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of the garden, they have a creek that has no end.We have imported
lamps in the garden, they have the stars. Our patio reaches to the front yard, they have a whole horizon."

When the little boy was finishing, his father was speechless.

His son added, "Thanks Dad for showing me how poor we can be!"